Wednesday, June 28, 2017


Feeling yucky tonight.  2 slurpees today and some alcohol tonight is what I think the cause is.  And my period starting.  

Also ate some chicken soup with soy in it at lunch and had diarrhea very shortly after.  And licked some butter cream off my finger by accident.

So, feeling yucky.  Hopefully better tomorrow.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Day 3

1. Did not practice French with Duolingo.
2. Did not mediate for 10 minutes with Mindspace.
3. Did not sing a minimum of two songs with Sing.
4. Did not exercise for a minimum of 10 minutes.
✔️5. Enter my weight, food, and exercise into MyFitnessPal daily.
✔️6. And journal here or in a book.
✔️7. Drank 4 cups of water.

Spent time with hubby, journaled in a real book, watched tv that made me cry and then something that made me laugh, stayed dairy, gluten, soy, and egg free.  May stop avoiding soy soon.

Booked a massage for tomorrow.

Ready for a great healing and refreshing sleep.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Day 2

✔️1. Practice French with Duolingo.
✔️2. Mediate for 10 minutes with Mindspace.
✔️3. Sing a minimum of two songs with Sing.
✔️4. Did not exercise, but went outside.
✔️5. Enter my weight, food, and exercise into MyFitnessPal daily.
✔️6. And journal here or in a book.
✔️7. Drank about 2.5 cups of water.

Feeling kind of constipated and dehydrated tonight.  Ready for a good night's sleep!

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Gluten/Dairy/Egg/Soy Free Day 1

Today I began this elimination diet.  It was easy to not eat any of the food I shouldn't, but in reality, I think it is because I didn't really eat anything today, which I know is not good.

My plan for tomorrow is a breakfast smoothie with almond milk, salad for lunch, and chicken breast, veggies and rice for dinner.  This might end up being my plan for every day of the next three weeks.  We'll see.

I also have made a plan to do the following every day:

1. Practice French with Duolingo.
2. Mediate for 10 minutes with Mindspace.
3. Sing a minimum of two songs with Sing.
4. Exercise for a minimum of 10 minutes.
5. Enter my weight, food, and exercise into MyFitnessPal daily.
6. And journal here or in a book.
7. I will also drink 8-9 cups of water per day.

I hope that there will be a fast improvement in my left knee joint pain, my sinus infection, my back and stomach pain, relief from diarrhea/constipation, and I am hoping for my anxiety and panic attacks to go away completely.  

And, of course a 30 lb weight loss also would be a great side effect.

So, day one.

1. I successfully avoided all dairy, gluten, eggs and soy.
2. I practiced French and became 22% fluent.
3. I meditated for 10 minutes.
4. I sang 2-3 songs.
5. I exercised.
6. I did enter my weight into MFP, but not food or exercise.
7. I'm journaling here.
8. I drank 1 can of water.

Bedtime report:  Heartburn, hunger, dark urine, possibly start of a headache.  Essential oils on abdomen-lemon, grapefruit, peppermint, and digestzen.  Also inhaled from hand.

Will listen to binaural beats for whole body healing.

Now, bedtime is on track for 11:30, and I'll sleep until at least 7:30 am.


Friday, June 23, 2017

Food allergy? Histamine Intolerance?

I have to write about my experience tonight.  

Around 6:00, I had Pizza Hut pizza - Triple Crown and Hawaiian - and some blazing Buffalo wings for dinner with Pepsi and ranch dressing.  

Shortly after I ate, I was in the bathroom with diarrhea.  After that, I felt weak and exhausted, so I climbed into bed to play on my phone.  Within half an hour, I had to lay down and close my eyes.  And then I fell into a state where I was asleep but aware of my daughter next to me colouring.  After about an hour of that, I "woke up" freezing cold with a pounding heart, and eyes and mouth so dry it was like I had been in a sandstorm.

It felt a lot like a panic attack.  Or, what I have been assuming have been panic attacks.

Before I lay down, my dog didn't seem to want to leave my side, even though my hubby (his favourite person) was calling him, and after I woke up, I had to pee really badly.  I also had heartburn, and developed a headache shortly after.

I have felt this way on Friday evenings before, more than once.

I'm considering an elimination diet and will probably go to the clinic tomorrow about my sinus infection again.  I'll try to bring up my knee pain, but there might be a one-problem-only rule.

So disappointed in the fucking world

Why is there so much hate?  Why so much disrespect?  Why are people killing each other, refusing medical services from people based on skin colour, driving into crowds, bombing kids?  Why are my kids totally walking all over me?  Why isn't my husband listening to me?  Am I even really here?

I'm so done with all this shit.  It's everywhere.  Facebook is full of horrible tragedies.  My own home is full of disrespect.  My life is not my own.

Today I thought about running away from my life.  Starting something new somewhere else.  I am so unhappy it is painful. Constantly I am trying to make things better.  Change things for the better.  Make people happy, make myself healthy.  And no one appreciates it.  Not in the smallest little bit.

I want to just stop.  But I can't, so I'll keep serving despite effects on my health.  And one day my body will make the decision for me, and I'll have relief.  And I'll be free of all this.

This week I went to the dr. because of pain in my back that I thought could be kidney related.  I mentioned my two month-long sinus infection and they found that my ears are infected.  I mentioned the knee pain I've had for the past six months and they ignored me.

I got a prescription for an anti-spasmodic for my abdomen.  ???

This must be the next step...closer to the end of this hell.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017


So my foray back into a Cipralex addiction did not last.  I took that 1/4 tab in the morning and the following night I could not wake up to deal with the dog.  Absolutely could NOT open my eyes.  So, I didn't take any more, and I decided to try to tough it out to June.

It's June 13 now, and I'm doing okay.  Life is messy, yet manageable.  The depression seems to be giving me a reprieve.  I'm trying to fix every issue that I have with my life; everything that has been weighing me down.  I have a plan with a friend to hold each other accountable to lose 10 lbs by August 1.  This week I tackled my daughter's messy messy bedroom.  I have been applying for jobs that I want to start in the fall, and I had an interview last Friday.  I don't want to get my hopes up because it would be shocking for me to jump all of the levels between where I am at currently to that one, but if I do get it, I will be thrilled!

I need to work on the boys' room next and start exercising daily, and then deal with the rest of the house, the finances, health appointments and relationships.  Seriously, everything is up in the air lately, and our fourth quarter here is going to be ridiculous.

So, just a little update here.  I think I am doing better now than I have in a long time.  And I am so very thankful.