Friday, June 23, 2017

Food allergy? Histamine Intolerance?

I have to write about my experience tonight.  

Around 6:00, I had Pizza Hut pizza - Triple Crown and Hawaiian - and some blazing Buffalo wings for dinner with Pepsi and ranch dressing.  

Shortly after I ate, I was in the bathroom with diarrhea.  After that, I felt weak and exhausted, so I climbed into bed to play on my phone.  Within half an hour, I had to lay down and close my eyes.  And then I fell into a state where I was asleep but aware of my daughter next to me colouring.  After about an hour of that, I "woke up" freezing cold with a pounding heart, and eyes and mouth so dry it was like I had been in a sandstorm.

It felt a lot like a panic attack.  Or, what I have been assuming have been panic attacks.

Before I lay down, my dog didn't seem to want to leave my side, even though my hubby (his favourite person) was calling him, and after I woke up, I had to pee really badly.  I also had heartburn, and developed a headache shortly after.

I have felt this way on Friday evenings before, more than once.

I'm considering an elimination diet and will probably go to the clinic tomorrow about my sinus infection again.  I'll try to bring up my knee pain, but there might be a one-problem-only rule.

So disappointed in the fucking world

Why is there so much hate?  Why so much disrespect?  Why are people killing each other, refusing medical services from people based on skin colour, driving into crowds, bombing kids?  Why are my kids totally walking all over me?  Why isn't my husband listening to me?  Am I even really here?

I'm so done with all this shit.  It's everywhere.  Facebook is full of horrible tragedies.  My own home is full of disrespect.  My life is not my own.

Today I thought about running away from my life.  Starting something new somewhere else.  I am so unhappy it is painful. Constantly I am trying to make things better.  Change things for the better.  Make people happy, make myself healthy.  And no one appreciates it.  Not in the smallest little bit.

I want to just stop.  But I can't, so I'll keep serving despite effects on my health.  And one day my body will make the decision for me, and I'll have relief.  And I'll be free of all this.

This week I went to the dr. because of pain in my back that I thought could be kidney related.  I mentioned my two month-long sinus infection and they found that my ears are infected.  I mentioned the knee pain I've had for the past six months and they ignored me.

I got a prescription for an anti-spasmodic for my abdomen.  ???

This must be the next step...closer to the end of this hell.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Nope.

So my foray back into a Cipralex addiction did not last.  I took that 1/4 tab in the morning and the following night I could not wake up to deal with the dog.  Absolutely could NOT open my eyes.  So, I didn't take any more, and I decided to try to tough it out to June.

It's June 13 now, and I'm doing okay.  Life is messy, yet manageable.  The depression seems to be giving me a reprieve.  I'm trying to fix every issue that I have with my life; everything that has been weighing me down.  I have a plan with a friend to hold each other accountable to lose 10 lbs by August 1.  This week I tackled my daughter's messy messy bedroom.  I have been applying for jobs that I want to start in the fall, and I had an interview last Friday.  I don't want to get my hopes up because it would be shocking for me to jump all of the levels between where I am at currently to that one, but if I do get it, I will be thrilled!

I need to work on the boys' room next and start exercising daily, and then deal with the rest of the house, the finances, health appointments and relationships.  Seriously, everything is up in the air lately, and our fourth quarter here is going to be ridiculous.

So, just a little update here.  I think I am doing better now than I have in a long time.  And I am so very thankful.