Saturday, January 9, 2016

Failing

I'm failing.  

I'm failing to be a kind and loving and patient mom, I'm failing at being an attentive wife and friend; I'm failing in all areas.  

Running so far behind on every task list.  

Drowning and exhausted.

Pressed on all sides.

Coming to the realization that one's best effort is not meeting - and will not meet - expectations is hard for a perfectionist.  It's heartbreaking for me; so heavy on my shoulders.  Being stuck here, not seeing a way to fix things, is torture.  

This is where I pray fervently - where I lay in my bed and beg God for strength and for peace - because it's the only thing I can gather enough energy to do while I wait for the torturous thoughts to pass.