Heavy, cold, tired...sad...depression.
I think we are all feeling it around here lately.
The nasty intestinal virus that oscillates between diarrhea and constipation on an hourly to daily basis; it's exhausting.
I'm fighting the urge to stop eating altogether. Again. It would be so easy. A few days this week, all I ate was lunch and only because my digestive system wasn't ready for food in the morning, and by dinner time I had learned my lesson - anything that goes in comes back out about 10 minutes later.
That's how I solved this at the worst of it in the past...I just stopped eating. The discussions in my head lately have been ongoing:
"Just stop eating and then you won't have the pain and bathroom trips."
"No way. Last time I did that I ended up stuck in the house."
"But you have medicine for that now. Just do it, it will be fine."
"Hmmm...you're right. I wonder what would happen..."
And on it goes.
In the end, I always convince myself to eat. And then I regret it and wonder when I will stop expecting a new result. I hate feeling sick at work. I hate not knowing if I will be able to make it home without stopping somewhere to use the bathroom (I have always made it home without stopping; but I drive on a highway, so stopping would mean the side of the road).
My weariness continues, but every day I still take time to sing, to admire the sunrise and the beautiful mountains. I cuddle with my children. I eat lunch with my hubby. I thank God for blessing us with all we have; our relative health, strength, happy children with amazing friends. I soak up the awesomeness of my sanctuary bedroom - my comfy bed and antique heated blanket - all made up of gifts from friends and family. I try to appreciate the now while planning the later. These things aren't hard, but are little reprieves from the heaviness of the rest.