Monday, December 23, 2013

Things are better

I was just looking up some info on this blog and realized that my last posts kind of left loose ends.

I did get into my dr. on Monday and she said the increase to 10 mg is absolutely fine.  She told me that I can leave it there for a month or so and go back down to 5 mg every day when I feel more stable.  She also gave me a small prescription for Ativan just in case things get as bad as they were again.  I haven't taken any yet, but it is nice to have it on hand.

I don't think there were any noticeable side effects for me jumping from 5 mg to 10 mg (not that I had time to notice any).

I am now about 97% sure that that huge panic attack was a combination of stress and the flu.  BAD timing!  Any digestive distress definitely is a huge anxiety trigger for me (IBS and anxiety are very often connected), as well as not getting enough sleep, and...well...I had no appetite and couldn't sleep, so there it is, right there.

So, I'm feeling back to normal.  My whole family is all together.  My mom is slowly working back up to her normal activities, and my grandpa has good days and bad days, but he is making sure to fill his time with his favourite things as much as he can.

Having my kids and hubby around to cuddle whenever I need to cuddle is something I've realized that I need more than I thought I did, and while one of my constant wishes used to be for a weekend alone in a hotel, it's not something I think about so much anymore.

There's my update.  If I don't post before, have a Merry Christmas, everyone!  :)

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Logging again

This morning I started logging my food again.  I'm down 3 lbs from 3 days ago, and am weak and shaky.  I remember this place...

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Longest and worst panic attack ever

I am struggling something awful with my anxiety right now.

Last Friday, my mom had a heart attack and I flew to her city and was there with her and family for seven days.  She is okay, and went home on the sixth(?) day.  My grandpa lives with my parents and is also unwell right now, suffering with terminal brain and lung cancer. 

Since I had been anxiety-free for so long, I was very surprised when around day three of my visit, I started feeling symptoms of anxiety.  They have actually not gone away since then and I am perplexed.  I have wondered if I perhaps have some kind of flu - fatigue, muscle weakness, loss of appetite, nausea, diarrhea, so much phlegm, but ridiculously dry mouth at the same time.  My chest and back and arms and legs hurt, I'm cold and tingly and my feet are sweating but nothing else. My heart pounds constantly, and it seems to be worse when I am laying down.  I'm barely sleeping. 

I hate this.  Deep breathing does not calm me.  I've upped my medication and it has made no difference whatsoever.  Even on 5 mg I was still getting the flashy light things behind my eyelids when I woke up in the mornings, now, at 10 mg, nothing.  I joked to my mom that I think they gave me a placebo with my latest prescription refill...I went to a new place to have it filled.  I think I will also share that joke with my dr. on Monday. 

I have read the start of this blog a little, and I am considering starting all over with everything that I did to help myself the first time.  I'm a little concerned that it won't work though, and I don't know how I will handle that.  I'm really quite disappointed in myself that I am feeling this way now.  For it to be so so bad now after I thought I had everything figured out and I was doing so is really hard on the morale of this perfectionist.  How can it be worse than ever?

Stupid anxiety.  GO AWAY! 

Thursday, December 12, 2013

10 mg

Well, I'm making the jump from 5 mg to 10 mg of Cipralex, starting tonight.  

I'm pretty disappointed that I need to do this, but my body is clearly calling the shots and right now is not a time I can just tough it out.  

I am not able to get in to see my doctor tomorrow, like I was hoping to, so in the interest of not having horrible side effects over Christmas, I'm bumping up my dose tonight, telling my doctor on Monday, and praying that all goes well and smoothly.

Boo.  :(