Wednesday, October 23, 2013

My Update

Well, it has been over a year since the whole anxiety thing started up for me.  I've been doing quite well; have resolved my IBS issues, my weight issues (I am now 27 lbs above my lowest point of 93 near the start of this year), and up until today, I thought the anxiety was well under control and not really an issue for me anymore.

Today something happened.  I was driving to my church to help out with some children's ministry prep and all of a sudden I got a sharp pain in the left side of my back.  :(  Then my entire body felt ice cold and mildly tingly.  I tried to take relaxing breaths and talk myself through it - "No, you are not having a heart attack.  This is anxiety, remember?  With each breath, you are feeling more and more relaxed..."  That didn't work so well and I found myself sweating and hot, and debated if I should just keep driving to the hospital.  I decided to tell the ladies at the church what happened so if anything happened, they could call an ambulance for me.  Sigh. 

I'm so disappointed.  It has been so much better for SO long that I didn't remember that feeling.  I didn't trust my brain telling me that it was not a heart attack because the sharp pain spread across my chest and became a dull ache and indigestion and a weird feeling that didn't really go away.

I have slowly been phasing out the supplement and other stuff routine that I created to help myself get better.  I think I need to get back on it.  Heading into winter, and busy-ness and stress and a time of possible spiritual attack is not a time for me to be lax about keeping my body strong.

All that said, I took 10 days off of my gym routine, then barely made it through my first exercise class back yesterday.  A friend mentioned there is a flu going around, and another friend we hung out with on the weekend has had a bad case of pneumonia this week.  I guess we are back into that season and I need to remember not to push myself too hard.  This afternoon instead of rushing about trying to cram many errands into one hour, I called it off and took a nap.  It may be time to start scheduling those into my days.  :P

Anyway, long story short, I'm mostly doing well.  I'm still taking my 5mg of Cipralex every second day, and every now and then I consider going back up to 5 per day.  I never take the plunge though, because I feel like I have to have a really really good reason, and that has not really happened until today.  Hopefully this was a warning, and my renewed diligence in taking care of me will ensure that it doesn't happen again!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Long awaited.

Well, yesterday was finally Eli's long-awaited next appointment with his psychologist.

And you know what?

It was less-than-impressive.

I'm kind of disappointed.

At the beginning of the appointment we revisited all of the fears he had put into his worry box on the first appointment.  He took out five worries.  The psychologist checked him on all those and put one back in the box.

For the rest of the appointment, my boy was distracted, didn't really focus or concentrate on the activity at hand.  At one point, he said that he isn't anxious about going to school anymore in his brain, but sometimes his body tells him that he needs to be.

The next appointment is on Monday, and since we've zapped the fear of being sick at school worry, we are now moving on to something else that came up:  the fear of others looking at him and judging him.

I feel really let-down over this today, like it is a huge waste of money that we just don't have right now.  The difference in Eli in his first two appointments with her was HUGE, and now he just doesn't seem to need the help anymore, especially at his realization that he really isn't afraid anymore.  :/

Happy for the progress we've made over the past two months, but we did it all on our own.  I should be thrilled, but I really just feel ho hum about the whole situation.  Blah.