Saturday, January 12, 2013

Triumphs and Backsteps

This has been a pretty up and down week for me.  Many times I have wanted to come here and write but I never got here, and that made me wonder if what I wanted to write was even worth writing.

Up - I went to the zoo this week.  With the kids.  For three and a half hours.  My mother-in-law sent me an email asking if I wanted to bring the kids and meet her there.  I wanted to say no, but I knew that the kids needed it.  I was anxious and nervous and tense and breathless about it.  But I went.  We went.  And the six of us had a lovely "picnic" lunch and I didn't lose it or break down when my third-born started trying to start fights with his siblings.  And I didn't stress that my four year old whined and complained and kept laying down on the ground all the way back to our van.  It took 30 minutes for us to get to the van from the place that we left my mother-in-law so she could walk home in an opposite direction.  Then third-born threw a huge temper tantrum in the van and tried to pick fights with his siblings half of the way home.  Very stressful, yes, but I did not get a single chest pain from this whole scenario, which is a win.

Down - I haven't been keeping up with eating enough.  Or exercising enough.  I really really need a stretch but I just haven't made time this week.  And last night I had two slices of pizza for dinner when I know my limit is one.  Last night I didn't sleep as a result and today I am exhausted and fighting IBS issues.

Up - I had some good conversations with friends this week.  There are people who I call friends that I don't usually reach out to and this week I did and I was rewarded with good conversation and support.  I love my friends.

Down - I am so tired of dealing with fighting family members.  It is time for the children to return to school.  Two more sleeps until the lovely day arrives.  My house is going to be so clean!

Down/Up - I had some intense anxiety about going to stamp club this afternoon.  But it was important to me and I practiced some of the relaxation and coping techniques I've been learning and I went.  Unfortunately I didn't eat a complete lunch before I left, so I was a little woozy by the end of stamp club.  I'm glad I thought to grab a banana and some almonds that I ate on the way there - those got me through for awhile.

I think I realized my anxiety trigger this week.  It is RUSHRUSHRUSHRUSHRUSH.  The less I'm rushing about, the better I feel.  I don't know how I am going to fix the rushing thing.  I have four children with minds of their own, and one of them is a pre-teen whose current most used phrases are "I'm not going!" and "You can't make me!"

I guess it is time that I add some organization and pre-planning to my life to make things easier.  I wonder if I can be more of a planner than I already am.  Definitely worth a try!

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