I did it! I made it through the first month. I am in my fifth week on Cipralex and except for one minor setback (the flu this week), things are going well. I've read that by six weeks, it should be well into my system and working at its full potential. :D
I was feeling so good (normal??) before I got the flu that I actually forgot to take my pill one night until two hours after my normal time. That made me happy. :)
Last night, I think I was feeling the effects of not having the Cipralex as full in my system as it should have been. Headache, nausea, pounding heart, jaw clenching that I could not stop, unable to fall asleep despite feeling so horrible. I did take my pill last night, but it didn't seem to be effective; I really felt last night and this morning like I did before everything stabilized for me. It was quite upsetting because I feel I've come so far, then all of a sudden everything I've done is gone and just the debilitating feelings remain. It is scary, and I don't want to go back there. I so want to live a normal, busy life again, where I just do what I want to do instead of feeling like my life is in jeopardy for doing it.
Today I have a lump in my throat that feels like a sharp pebble. I had it last night as well, and I've been able to calm myself and convince myself that nothing is physically wrong with me when I am feeling short of breath or having chest pain, but this throat thing is startling to me. I've spoken to friends who have anxiety who've shared that they have the same symptom that comes and goes. It is probably the most scary symptom I have - it feels like my throat is narrowing.
I started my newly acquired pills a couple days ago and found them way harder to break in half than the first bottle I got. Strange.
I don't remember when, but one night this week I decided to take a Tylenol Rapid Release to get some headache and muscle pain relief. It did NOTHING for me. Normally I get relief about half an hour after I take pain medication. I very rarely use pain medication, but when I do, I've turned to Advil Liquigels. Since it is advised to avoid ibuprofen when taking Cipralex, I went back to my old friend, Tylenol. I know that I woke up groggier than normal the next morning, but I don't remember my headache lessening at all. I will have to remember this for the next time I feel a need to take Tylenol and see if I get the same (lack of) results.
I think these are all my observations from the last couple of days. Life is busy, we've been ill and stressed, and everything is running together in my fuzzy, sinus cold-consumed head.
Thank you to everyone who has been there for me, sent me messages, been patient with me (I know it's not easy!), and listened to me blather on for the past month. I hope the next month will see me with the courage to invite people over for tea and playdates; and in January, I hope to be able to visit friends in their homes, and to take my kids on fun outings again. Baby steps. :)