Thursday, November 15, 2012

Cipralex Day 9...and Anorexia

Okay, so my body is still adjusting to the Cipralex.  I had a middle of the night fast heartbeat session a couple of nights ago, and also some jaw clenching.

I have a headache today, that I think might be from jaw clenching.

Also, in the last few days, it has come to my attention that I am starving myself.  I think the cause of my anxiety is anorexia.

I didn't do it consciously - cut myself off from food - but looking back, I can now see that I've been doing it. IBS has stolen so so much from me, and now that I am on anxiety meds, perhaps my brain is clear to see that I am depriving my body of the fuel it needs to function.

I am heartbroken that I've been treating myself like this.

This morning I stepped on the scale and saw that despite my efforts to eat more - I have started tracking calories - I am still losing weight.  My heart sank when I saw that, much the same way that I imagine overweight people's hearts sink when they see that they have gained.

So, along with the Cipralex, I am force-feeding myself calories and trying to not be too active (seriously, this is the hardest part!) so that I can get back to a better-than-ever me!

2 comments:

  1. My heart is breaking for you Amber. I wish I could do something to help. Hoping and praying you see some positive results soon.

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