Saturday, November 17, 2012

Cipralex Day 11

I think the Cipralex is starting to work.  It doesn't take away my anxiety completely, but it helps me manage my anxiety with a lot less effort on my part.

For example, every morning, I wake up and am filled with tension and tingling as I think about the day ahead and all that I need to accomplish.  This morning I was able to relax and breathe and imagine my anxiety just evaporating off my skin.  It is a coping maneuver that just popped into my brain this morning;  I visualized the evaporation and it has really helped me today - I'm able to relax really easily.  I hope that it continues to work as time goes on, and that I'll eventually lose the chest ache that I've now had for over a month.

My sleeping is getting worse and worse.  I wake up probably hourly through the night and sleep very lightly now.  This could also be due to the increase in food consumption though, as I have been going to bed feeling extremely nauseous every night.  I can feel that I need to have a BM probably by 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, but I force myself to stay in bed until 6 or 7 so that I don't wake myself fully in the middle of the night.  I don't want to train my body to think that that is okay to get up when it's still dark!  Bonus though, that my digestive system seems to be regulating itself.

I forced myself to eat a bit of breakfast and take the kids to swimming lessons this morning even though they were being very uncooperative and I felt like I would vomit at any second.  They are probably missing next week, so I couldn't just keep them home this morning, as much as I wanted to.

I have worried my mommy so much that she is hopping a plane to come take care of me even though I said not to.  I admit I cried when I got her message saying she'd be here in a couple of days, and it seems that it couldn't be better timing.  I am finding it ridiculously HARD to take care of myself AND the kids.  Laundry, no problem; dishes, got it.  Making meals and snacks and pouring drinks...I just don't have the motivation.  Luckily we've had a house full of fruits and veggies for the past few days (not anymore) so the kids could just grab and eat when they want to snack.  Luckily my hubby has been done work at 3:00PM this week so he has been cooking.

This is all funny to me because I always thought I was doing a great job of taking care of them and my hubby and also making sure I was taking care of myself too.  Guess I was fooling myself!



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